dismembering every connection I have to you
June 10, 2011
I do not want an open portal into your happiness,
do not crave the information of the kinds of joy rippling through your every nerve.
Although my own life is punctuated with laughter, I had hoped that
I would never again have to experience yours,
I wished so tremendously that you would vanish from this world. But only – that means death, and I do not wish that either.
It’s a conundrum, this. To come to terms with the permanence of things,
that some loves are meant to be lost, and some loves are meant to stay with us.
There is a heavy feeling in my gut that leads me to believe I am not the magnanimous person I had assumed myself to have suddenly become when I acquired love.
But none of us are magnanimous – just simple, vengeful beings
wiping foreheads, and joining the ranks of the undeserving
